Life is a Roller Coaster ( The Ride of Thymoma Cancer)

Life is a roller coaster with ups and downs. The key to dealing with life is not to fool yourself into thinking that you will only experience ups with no downs or only downs with no ups. The only predictable thing in life that we can trust in is a God who says He is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end, the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I have learned this lesson the hard way, through experience. Just when I think that life is following a normal course for me something always comes along to rearrange my world. My dad being diagnosed with Thymoma cancer did just that..This condition is a rare cancer that is hard to treat due to the lack of information and lack of doctors who specialize in its treatment. My family was taken off guard. Until you have cancer or have a close friend or family member diagnosed with cancer, you will always naively think that cancer only affects other people. What started out as severe side problems turned into what we thought was small cell lung cancer. The doctors had given my dad no hope of a cure. My dad took several rounds of chemo trying to slow down the progression of his cancer. It was hard seeing dad go through chemo and be weakened by the medicine that was supposed to provide a cure. One of the hardest challenges for me was to be at college concentrating on school work while my family was being attacked at home by this disease. College was to be a time of independence, but it turned into a time of guilt at times because I thought that I should be at home with my family. Cancer always affects the whole family and each member deals with cancer in a kind of second hand fashion. We get the emotional shrapnel that comes from watching our loved one being attacked by cancer. My mom stuck by dad’s side like a warrior and held on through all the storms that came his way. The only sense of sanity that kept me going through these hard times was trusting God was in control and would take care of my family. Often my friends and family at church served as answers to my prayers for strength and comfort. During this time, the roller coaster of my dad’s life seemed to have lots of quick turns and ups and downs. The downs came in the form of my dad’s loss of strength, hearing, and taste. To fix the hearing and taste problem that came from brain fluid leakage, dad went to Chapel Hill to see a specialist. This trip led to other biopsies which led to an up in dad's life. We learned that he did not have small cell lung cancer, but that his tumors were benign. The doctor was still trying to diagnosis what type of cancer my dad had, but we were happy to receive good news, and we wanted to live in that moment.

In life, when the roller coaster starts to go up, this is the time we need to gather all our strength and work on our faith because a ride down the hill may follow along with the sting of the devil’s fiery arrows. The next turn in life brought dad a new diagnosis of benign Thymoma cancer. This cancer was benign but forming a plan of treatment is an experimental and on-going process. The cancer took my dad on a journey through so many kinds of suffering and pain. My dad still had fluid leakage and the doctors had to fix the leak on one side of his head at a time. Each procedure was dangerous and scary, which had us on our knees continually. In the meantime, the medication to treat the problems with his lungs was causing him to go on a depression/prednisone influenced soul searching crisis of life. It was like dad was becoming a new person, and he was leaving behind the old Johnny. Dad was caught in between grieving what he could not do anymore and trying to redefine himself. He was scared to death of losing the essence of what made him Johnny Deal. This idea was scary for me. I saw my dad fight this war of character assassination. It was the stripping of the most influential man in my life. This was the worst part of seeing dad suffer. My dad will always be bigger than life to me. It is a legacy that makes a man, not his physical capabilities. During this time our quiet, do- not-get-too-personal ways were being thrown out the window. Dad would tell me everything about himself: the good, the bad, and the ugly. We examined our father and son relationship in ways that were, at times, traumatic, but I was glad I could have this experience. For me, what dad was going through was hard to take. Dad helped me honestly look at what he was going through. During this time, God showed me that I needed to help dad to see himself as a warrior caught in the trenches of life fighting to survive. No one can dare say that a wounded warrior fighting for a cause is not worthy of respect and honor. I have always wanted to be this honest and open with my dad and this season of life provided the opportunity. During this time, my mom and I helped each other with the hard questions of life. My brother and I acted as comrades talking about the battle that was happening in our lives. My little nephew, Noah, was a healthy distraction reminding my parents of pure, simple joy and laughter. My wife has acted has a sounding board and good listener to my rants about the unfairness of life. Not only did this opportunity happen between my dad and mom but also between my Heavenly Father and me. I needed answers for this hurt in my life, and I was questioning everything I believed about God's sovereignty and goodness. Dad was on a desperate high that was like a version of dad unrestrained. Dad was obsessed with connecting with everyone that crossed his path. This need scared us at times because dad seemed to have no sense of time and would talk with complete strangers about personal topics. In the South, we are very reserved about personal issues, especially when it comes to strangers. Later on, dad would come down from his high and become afraid that he would hurt those around him with his presence reminding them that he was suffering. Recently, dad has gotten out of the house more and started to find more strength out in the community, especially recently at North Catawba Baptist Church. Each season of cancer brought a new season in dad’s life.

The roller coaster of these seasons kept trying to throw mom off the tracks several times, but my brother and she hung on for dear life, and this connection also helped to sustain my faith. I was so scared that the family would start to lose faith. I wanted to get to the bottom of the theology that bad things happen because sin was in someone’s life, and God was teaching a lesson. If this theology was behind my dad's suffering, God and I were going to have serious problems. He would have to help me understand His decision. My whole family was going through this soul-searching time, and this theology was killing our faith. The comfort that God gave me about this theology was that the theology was being used too generally. God does not react the same way with each person. In the Bible, some people suffer as a consequence of their sin, but the suffering was a natural part of the suffering that would come from that particular sin. For instance, drinking alcohol in large quantities will lead to alcohol poisoning. Can God be blamed if the individual would not listen to reason and continued in sin? Often God shouts for us to turn around, but we don't listen and blame him when we get in a bind. Suffering happens to good people, like Job, who obediently followed God. Suffering has no favorites. All will get their turn with suffering. The results of the Fall in the Garden of Eden led to suffering in the world. So all suffering can be traced back to the sin of Adam and Eve. Jesus Christ was not even protected from suffering. Jesus made a way to have peace a midst suffering. Jesus said in this world you will have trouble, but I have come to give you peace. This peace has acted like a seat belt that has held our family through the toughest of times. Through all the storms, my dad has held on to his faith. For my family, holding on to faith has been a battle that has increased our faith. Facing a struggle with faith should cause one to take an honest look at his or her beliefs. Something that has helped me on my journey is to examine the lives of David and Job and how they struggled with God's plans, but came to God with their struggles instead of running away. We must understand that God wants us to be honest in our relationship with Him. My dad still has Thymoma, and the battle is still being fought to find a relief to his pain and a cure for his cancer. Through all this pain, our family has had a community of constant companions who have supported us, cried with us, fought with us, and loved us. Christ and my Dad's love for his friends and family have helped to create a lasting, supportive community. The strength of Christ has helped us to take an honest look at the roller coaster we are on and know that we can gain strength through the ups (good news) and learn to trust through life's downs (bad news).

Putting Out the Raging Fires of Life

Part 3 of my testimony will be posted tomorrow

Sometimes all we do in life is put out the small fires around us, while missing the bond fire that is growing out of control in our lives. Lately my manager at Kmart reminded me of an important point. Just, recently I have become the Lead in the Garden Dept at the Conover Kmart. This is a great opportunity with lots of challenges. Kmart is a very fast paced enviroment that demands a lot of productivity in a short amount of time. In the Garden dept, on top of doing customer service, watering is done at least two times a day, all plants have to be priced quickly, stock is bieng put on shevles, and plant trucks can be unloading at any given time. All of these task demand immediate attention. My Manager siad to me the other day you have to take care of the most important task first or else one thing will pill on top of the other and the most important task will never get done. This got me thinking about priority and how we spend time on seemly unimportant things (putting out small fires) and miss tackleing the most important issues of our lives. If we have unhealthy spiritual life and we neglect takeing care our need to connect with God, a raging bond fire will be created in our life. We will spend our days preoccupied with the daily choas that may come our way and never get around to spending time connecting with God. If we do not have the peace that comes with daily walking and talking with Christ, how will we have the peace and gudiance to tackle this roller coaster called life. Do not let anyone or anything distract you from connecting with your Savoir, you need clarity and a clear mind. If you do not have a relationship with Christ today please drop everthing that you are doing and do what ever it takes to concentrate on starting this relationship. Starting a personal relationship with Christ will put into perceptive all other aspects of life. You will be able to rest in the knowledge that you made the most important discision of your life and that you put out the bond fire enableing you to take care of the raging fires of life.

John 16:33“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world

Part 2 Testimony of How God Allowed Me to See ADHD Has a Gift

So far, I have discussed how God took a shy kid who lived inside of his own world and gave Him the confidence to minister. I can testify to the fact that having Jesus in your life helps you become a new creation. Whats remarkable is that Christ helped me to see myself through his eyes and truly see my identity in Him.  It was like I was discovering myself for the first time. I was finally making sense of the abstract painting that is my life.  Every time I look at this painting, God helps me see something that I did not see before which helps me understand the artist behind the painting.

After graduating from college and finding myself a great job, I was still living with my parents looking for some income to help me move out of the house and be on my own.  Having to delay my independence was a big blow to me. I had also pictured myself  married by at least the age of twenty five. Just like most people, I don't like having to wait for the great things in life and it seemed like every important event that was supposed to happen in my life like living on my own and marriage was being delayed. I have discovered that when you start letting society paint a picture of who you are supposed to be rather than who you really are, you will always be disappointed. I have been blessed with a great family.  My parents always taught me that I could overcome my challenges.  My brother has always been my best friend who has accompanied me on many adventures.

One my biggest mentors in life came from an individual with whom I worked, Donnie Wooten. Donnie also became one of my best friends. Donnie was a guy who had cerebral palsy which meant that his brain did not communicate with his muscles that well. Donnie was limited to a wheelchair and could only move his head. Donnie showed me how to love life no matter what your limitations. Donnie also showed me how to stick up for people with disabilities. Donnie and I read lots of books about people with disabilities in order to become better advocates for them. During this time, I also read lots of books on ADHD and started to understand the difference between the part of me that was a result of ADHD and that part of me that was not.  This is a struggle for people with ADHD because they want to know what part of their behaviors they can help and which parts of their behaviors are something they have to deal with because of how they are wired. People who misunderstand ADHD think that the problems ADHD produces are the results of a lack of discipline. This type of criticism can be very conflicting when a neurological disorder keeps frustrating you no matter how hard you try to be disciplined.

One year I decided that I would start going to a Christian singles meeting. I have had many girlfriends growing up and also many heartaches with a lot  friendships made. I have always been a romantic. I don't think I ever had an " EWW gross girls" stage in my life. One day, I got a call from one of administrators from the group telling me that I needed to be at the next meeting because someone near my age is going to be there and they wanted me to make her feel at ease with the group. The first time I saw Kendra I just knew I had to talk to her and ask her out. At first meeting I chickened out but the second meeting I had prepared to ask her out no matter what the cost. When you have an erratic mind that processes every possibility to a situation,  it can paralyze you to making decisions. I would be thinking things like what if she says no, can I take the rejection, what if I say nothing and have to spend another week waiting to ask her out, what if she never comes back to the meeting. Usually when something pops in my head that I want to do the impulsiveness drives me crazy and make me obsess about how to make the ideal become a reality. On the other hand I hated being alone and I was tried of being in my mid twenties and having people ask me why I was not married. Therefore during the next meeting, I made the gutsy decision to ask Kendra out. During the meeting, I started to strike up a conversation with Kendra and we hit it off really well but time got away from me and it was almost time to leave. I knew that it was now or never, I had to at least ask for her phone number. Nervously, I made the move and she responded with a yes. After several phone calls, we finally went out on our fist date. We have  a great relationship with ups and downs just like any relationship. This was the beginning of a 6 year relationship that led to marriage in January 2011.

At this point you are probably asking how could you wait that long to get married when you were already disappointed that you had to wait till you were 25 to find someone.  A divine calling that needed God's timing is the answer to the question. During 2006, while I was at a lay revival weekend, God called me to be a full time minister. At first I thought I was just daydreaming about what it would be like to make ministry my career. I often like to fantasize  about impossible situations and play them out in my head just for the sake of my own entertainment. Trouble came however, when I tried to dismiss the thought has a fantasy. God kept showing how being a minister could become a reality. I kept throwing up the excuse to God that I was not a good administrator. I could preach God's word and counsel people but I was not the most organized person in the world. In that moment, God showed me that ministering was about a community not just one person trying to share the Gospel. The church uses everyone's strengths to minister as one body and all I had to do was to be obedient on my part. I knew the minute that God was calling me on this adventure that my life was going to go in a radical new direction.

Immediately I started to look at colleges and a way for me to be near home so I could work. I stayed away from looking at universities because I was still afraid that my learning disabilities would prevent me from being successful. I had gotten through college before, but I knew that a university would be more challenging than a community college. I also didn't know how I could afford college, I did not have hardly anything in the bank. I did not know how I would support myself while at college. It was not like I was a high school student who had his parents to pay for his expenses and tuition. I was 28, I could not expect that from my parents.  My minister however challenged me to trust God and go on an adventure outside my comfort zone.  Kendra was also a big help in believing in my potential to be successful at a university.  Not everyone was enthusiastic about my decision, they would tell me about how hard I had to work in high school and community college to succeed. They wanted to make sure I was not making just another implussive decision. Some people thought that I was just embracing another project that I could not complete.I prayed hard about this decision and slowly God started to once again show me how I needed  to trust Him and lay aside the excuses.Even though I had many reasons not to pursue college, I applied to Gardner-Webb University in 2006 and got accepted to the college. God provided for me to go to college with many scholarships and loans. On top of  that, a community once again came together and helped me with my tuition. Everyone from parents, grandparents, Kendra, my in-laws, friends and churches helped me with tuition. I accepted the adventure before me and God provided to make it happen. At the age of 28, I moved out of my parents' house and headed to college making me one of the oldest students living in the dorms at Gardner-Webb.

In  Part 3 the conclusion of my testimony I will share about how God got me through college, provided a family ministry position.

A Testimony of How God Helped Me See A.D.H.D Has A Gift (Part 1)

If I was to ask you to paint a picture of what my life was like growing up and I told you I have learning disabilities and Attention Deficit Hyper Active Disorder, how would you paint the picture of my life?  Would you say that I got into trouble all the time, that I was an unfocused daydreamer who could not sit still and that I forgot and lost things all the time?  You probably would have thought that I wasn't that bright in school since I mentioned the words learning and disability in the same sentence. I bet the picture would include me having some sort of drug addiction or alcohol addiction. Maybe the picture could have even included me probably growing out of ADHD like it was some kind of phase in my life. It's a challenge to tell my testimony without mentioning how God helped me take my proverbial thorn in the side and see it as a gift. However, I have done a great job of avoiding the subject because I'm afraid that doors will be closed and the picture mentioned above will win out over my testimony. I hide the disorders like they are some kind of dirty secrets to be locked away. Recently, Christ has invaded this part of my life and told me to share my testimony. Christ has always been my trusted guide throughout this life, so I will leave this testimony in His capable hands.

After mentioning how I thought most people would paint my life, let's see how close my life matches up with society's depiction. Being a daydreamer is something I cannot deny, I had, and still have, a lively imagination. My parents have always told me that when I was little I could play with anything and be satisfied. Everything from a blade of grass to a cardboard box. The bad part about daydreaming and having an active imagination is that you live too much inside your own head.  Sometimes, I liked the reality I created inside my head more than I liked the reality outside of my head. I hated having to limit myself by focusing on school work, I could not wait to get home and do what I really wanted to do and that was to lose myself in my imagination.  Often this excluded playing with other children unless it was someone I knew like my neighbors, brother, or cousins.  A.D.H.D has a tendency to make you socially awkward because your mind and impulses have such a big influence over you that sometimes uncensored thoughts are shared that are normally restrained. I was often the source of entertainment for students because I was known as the kid who would say anything. This made me the class clown but the laugh was often at my expense. My mouth would always be getting me into trouble, which made students laugh but not the teachers.

Throughout my school years, I was in and out of Special Ed. classrooms. I would spend part of my time in a normal classroom setting in the subjects that I could keep up with the regular students and then go to special ed.. class for math and reading. I was always told that I was just as smart as other students, it just took me  longer to process information in some subjects. Having A.D.H.D did not make learning easy for me, especially when my brain can go into daydream mode without warning, which meant that whatever the teacher was saying was not being heard. This kind of daydreaming is like having a blackout moment and then finding yourself  coming back to reality only to find you missed out on an important conversation or lesson. I would usually do the best in classes that I could study the text book at home and learn what I missed in class. Having to work against a brain chemistry that was not wired for a long period of focusing, made me work harder than most students to do well in school.  I also tackled school life without the help of A.D.H.D medications like Ritalin. Mom thought that the medication made me space out too much and turned me into a zombie. This thought was actually positive for me because I became more resourceful at figuring out how to deal with A.D.H.D. Home life could also be a challenge at times because I was prone to break things and misplace my farther's tools. I was also bad for grieving mom about keeping my room clean.

Most of the time, I was the very opposite of someone who has  A.D.H.D with behavioral problems.  I hardly ever got into fights. I was quiet in most settings, if the people in the room were not familiar to me.  Most of the time I was shy, and I got bullied a lot which made me hate any situation where I thought that was the potential that someone could pick on me. I was kicked, punched, verbally abused, and picked on because I went to special ed classes. Kids don't know that the abuse from bullying can last a lifetime. I can still remember wounds being inflicted like it's yesterday. One of my most painful wounds came from some kids in class telling me that LD (Learning Disabilities) stood for local dummy. I even hated the boy scouts because kids would often throw rocks at me. Deal weed was a  favorite name they liked to call me because my last name is Deal, and I daydreamed a lot which made some people think I looked high.

The two places of safety where I knew I would not get teased was at home with my family and at church. I have been going to church ever since I was little. Believing in Christ was not a struggle to me. My active imagination often translated into having little difficulties with faith. I used to imagine that Jesus sat beside me on the school bus. I can always remember talking to God as if he were standing right beside me. I started my relationship with Christ at the age of seven after watching a Billy Graham movie called A Man Named Norman. I remember the characters in the movie saying a prayer to ask Jesus into their lives, and I repeated the prayer with the characters.  Later on, God spoke to me while I was walking down my aunt's driveway and told me that it was time to make public my decision to make Jesus Lord of my life. That Easter, I was baptized at North Catawba Baptist Church. I remember naively thinking that day that my journey with Jesus started after I came up out of the baptismal waters. I thought that I would never sin again the rest of my life.The litmus test for determining whether or not my idea of the Christian life would checkout is whether or not I picked on my brother. Needless to say, I failed the test miserably. Staying focused in church was always a challenge for me, especially when I started to think about all the things I wanted to do when I got home. I had a very sporadic relationship with Christ. I would feel like I was growing as a Christian every time the Church would have a revival or when I heard an inspirational song.  My relationship with Christ however, did not grow very much until after my senior year of high school.

During my senior of high school, I started to make more friends, and I was getting into sports. I remember thinking more about the meaning of life during this time. My mind as always processed an overload of information. I have a tendency to take apart and analyze just about everything. My wife is always annoyed  that I analyze movies and give away the plot. One person described A.D.D this way: if you went to a football game you would notice the game being played and the players. The individual with A.D.D would notice the sounds going on, the vendors going back and forth, the images moving across the score board, and the game being played, all at the same time.  I was excited during this year to graduate high school and finally gain my independence. The picture of adulthood for me always included me finally getting respect and being treated as a capable adult. Because of my sometimes slow reacting mind, I often did things very slowly and often people would take over whatever project I had started. They often would ask why I would pick the hard way of doing something. Therefore, I would spend a lot of time daydreaming of the day people would let me do life on my own.

During Christmas of my senior year, my mom got me a brand new Bible. This Bible had all kinds of features like a dictionary, devotionals and commentary. With a new Bible in hand, I decided to read the entire Bible for the first time. I loved the idea of taking on a new venture and growing in my understanding of God. This process was like flipping on a spiritual light switch in my life. My relationship with Christ increased with my desire to get to know Him more. A daily quiet time with God became the highlight of my day. At this time in my life, I also began college to study Horticulture (a form of plant science). At community college, I started attending a group called Students for Christ. This group of people showed me how authentic Christians acted. They hung out together, did Bible study, and respected me. Finally, I was getting respect and God was giving me a deep sense of self worth. Thus, began the process of God making me into a more outgoing person. God was starting to encourage me  to minister and share the Gospel. Church also became a richer and deeper experience. Instead of struggling to focus during church, I started to look forward to Sundays. A few years later I became a deacon at North Catawba and started going on mission trips.

In 2000, I graduated college with an Associates degree in Horticulture. This degree enabled me to get a job managing a greenhouse which served as a therapy tool for people with developmental disabilities. This job started a new passion in my life of ministering to people with developmental disabilities.

Part two of my testimony will tell how God called me into full time ministry and took me on the adventure of going to back to school at 29 years old and getting married. I will conclude with telling how God has given me control over ADHD and allowed me to see it has a gift.

A Video of my Favorite Paintings of Art and Christianity

Previously, I discussed Jesus in art and described how little the bible spoke about the appearance of Jesus. I also showed the scriptures that mention his appearance. Today, I decided to post a video I made to show some of my favorite paintings of  the stories in the bible, enjoy. The music in the video is by Rebecca St James.

Post that are coming soon:

My testimony of how God helped me deal with having ADHD

Debunking the myth of all religions are the same that follow same God, watch out Oprah!

Taking on issues hot button issues

Can God be a loving God and a just judge.

A Poem of Insecurity to Security and the Importance of a Spiritual Journal

While cleaning out my storage room today I came across an old spiritual journal of mine. If you have not started a spiritual, I would definitely recommend  you get one. It's funny how I will write something in a journal and read it years later and find that God will use something I have written to minister to me. That what's great about a spiritual journal God can take an entry in a journal and remind what he has done in your life. You can also see how your prayers are answered. There is also a therapeutic quality to writing down your thought, this process will help you get thoughts out of your head and on to paper. When you do this you can pray about these thoughts and leave them in God's hands. This process is especially good if you tend to have a lot of worry and anxiety. Written below is a poem I wrote in my journal years ago but still ministers to me today.

I see you standing there 

Eyes downcast avoiding my stare

What's hiding beneath your exterior

Have your dreams gone awry

Do you wish had wings to fly

Are you looking for a place to cry

Do wish you tried

Please put down your pride

You are not meant to keep that inside

Do you have a secret sin or secret lie

Maybe a secret feeling inside

That wasn't meant to hide

Does love confuse you

Maybe your searching for the meaning of life

You got to get Christ on your mind

So you can clean out your cluttered mind

And sort out all those insecurities inside

Then your eyes will look into mine.

12 Different Ways to Pray / Talk to God

There are many ways to communicate with God and many reasons to communicate with Him. Do not lock yourself into just one way to talk to Him. If you think about it we have many ways we communicate to each other. We can sykpe, talk, tweet, sign, use body language,email, mail,text and call each other. God designed us therfore, it only make sense that we were designed to commuicate with him sereval different ways.

1. Petition- Bringing a need before the Lord (Matthew 7:7)

2. Confession- Confessing your sins before God (James 5:16)

3. Adoration- Prayer of Praise (Psalm 34:1)

4. Intercession – Prayer on behalf of others (1 Timothy 2:1)

5. Meditation- Being still and Knowing He is God. A prayer in which the individual praying sit's still and waits for God to speak to them. Meditation can also be simply takeing the time to think about God and his promises (Psalm 119: 148). Note: this completely different from the act of meditation associated with other religions in which an indivdual is looking for a spiritual guide which takes them to a place of spiritual enlightment or nirvana . Christian meditation focuses primarily on Christ.

6. Thanksgiving- Prayer of thanks to God ( Psalm 118)

7. Surrender- The point of giving in completely to God ( James 4:7)

8. Flash Prayers- Brief prayers directed at people passing by or people you know

9. Scripture prayer- Using a scripture has your prayer

10. Recited prayers- written prayers that are recited to help formulate a prayer to God

11. Conversational Prayer- Talking to God like a friend

12. Prayer Walking- Meditative prayer used while walking , or intercessory prayer aimed at a particular group of people or cause.